The Wacky and Stupid Stories
by Mommy and Merrilee, June 19, 1998
Today’s blog is a little different—another guest blog of sorts. I’ve been going through boxes of ‘’treasures” from my folks’ house that my mom had saved for years. I’ve enjoyed reading through cards and letters and other memorabilia. Seeing what she chose to save really gives me windows into what she valued—and above all else it was family.
I came across the following collection of stories that apparently my daughter and I put together when she was 11 or so. I honestly have no memory of doing this specific activity, although I do remember encouraging my kids to write (or dictate) stories from when they were pretty young. This two-page collaborative collection just made me smile, and apparently made my mom smile as well.
“The ‘I Need a Name for This Story’ Story”
Once upon a time, there was a girl who wanted to write a story with her mom but she couldn’t come up with a title. So while she thought about it, her mom, who is a little wacky sometimes, came up with “The ‘I Need a Name for This Story’ Story” as a stupid title. Then, as the girl watched in total disbelief, her mom typed up a stupid story to go with the stupid title.
“My Mother, the Oldies Fan”
Once upon a time, my mother was in the car driving to Walmart, listening to oldies, and she knew every word to each of the songs because she was kind of old and the songs were kind of old, too. And there was one song that my mother told me about. It was “Splish, Splash, I Was Takin’ a Bath.” She told me that my brother used to sing that song in the shower when he was 2. And of course I was fixing to blow my brains because I was laughing, because I thought that was a little young to be singing “Splish, Splash, I Was Takin’ a Bath.” But it was true! Even though I didn’t want to believe it because he’s a weirdo. But I guess it couldn’t be much worse than having a cord put to his belly button and making a vacuum cleaner run.* And that’s my stinky story. The end.
*That really happened, too… When Dan was a toddler, he insisted on turning one of those Fisher Price roller things on a stick into an upright vacuum cleaner like mine. I had to attach a paper bag upside down and bunched around the opening to collect the dirt. And then he insisted it needed a power cord. I wasn’t sure how I was going to get around that so I created one out of masking tape doubled back on itself, and then taped a little circle on the end for the plug. To keep him from sticking that into a real outlet, I convinced him that we could just tape it to his belly button to power it. Problem solved! He was happy, and I was relieved! But back to the Wacky Stories….
“My Daughter, the Lobster”
Once upon a time my daughter went to visit a friend and they decided to go swimming. It was hot and the water was cool and inviting. She splished and splashed like she was taking a bath, “long about a Wednesday afternoon.” She had such fun. Only thing is that she forgot her handy dandy tube of sunscreen. When she got out after the second swim she looked like a lobster. Red and hot. Ouch! Fortunately, I came to the rescue with my handy dandy jar of Nature’s Second Skin, a wonderful lanolin product from the makers of Lansinoh. Now she just looks like a greased lobster….
“All about My Gerbils”
First we got a tan and white gerbil named Timmy. But I usually call him the Timster. That’s his nickname. I thought at first that he could do lots and lots of tricks but I soon found out that all he wanted to do was chew up my shirts. Soon thereafter, he started getting on top of my fingers and just perching. Later on that year, we went to Georgia and when my aunt was holding him, we were watching TV, or cartoons, as you might say. He sat there and perched on my aunt’s fingers and watched the cartoons until the commercials came up. But when they came up, Timmy would run wildly about my aunt’s shirt. We finally calmed him down and put him to bed.
A couple of months after we got back from Georgia, I got a gray and brown colored gerbil. His name is Sylvester. But I call him Sillyvester. He’s a different story. He is more quiet and to himself than Timmy is. He’s usually calm, but when he gets excited, he REALLY gets excited. When I go to bed at night, I always hear Sylvester drinking from his water bottle. Tiny clicks come from his cage. But I know it’s okay. Sometimes when Timmy needs something, he’ll make sure you know. One time, he kept hitting his head on the cage because he was out of water. And he would not stop until I changed it and put some more in there. And once he got his drink, and to told him to get in his bed (which I thought he wouldn’t do what I said), but he did! He crawled into bed and laid his head down, and looked at me like he was saying, “Thank you!” And his eyes started to close and I turned out the light and I heard Sylvester crawl back into his bed. And for the rest of the night, nobody needed anything. Good night!
“The Short Short Story”
Once upon a time there was a pair of shorts. Boy, they were short. So this is the story. The end.
“A Bigger Short Story”
Once upon a time there was a pair of Bermuda shorts. They are longer than short shorts. And these belonged to my brother, so they were even bigger. Good thing they had a string around the waist so they wouldn’t fall off, because if they did, then we’d see the end….
“The Story of My Mom’s Big and Bigger Short Story”
Once upon a time my mom wrote a big short story. All it was about was two pairs of shorts and saying they were short. And it was a big story, but not big enough. It was about Bermuda shorts. That was even worse, especially with my brother wearing them. So I decided that I would make up the story next time before she gets an even bigger short story to write. So THE END!
“The End of the Page Story”
Once upon a time, Merrilee asked her mom to write a story that would fill up the rest of the page two of a series of absolutely wonderful stories she and her mom had been working on. These stories were incredibly creative, exciting adventures in the world of story-dom. There were true stories, goofy stories, stupid stories, and stories designed just fill up the page. There were stories that Merrilee wrote, and stories that her mom wrote. I won’t say who wrote all the stupid stories…. Merrilee and her mom write such wonderful stories that it filled the page. The End!!!!
© Melissa Clark Vickers and Merrilee Vickers Graf, 2020
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