I’ve just come back from a two-day visit with my nearly 15-month-old grandson. What a joy to spend time with this sweet little boy! And how tiring! Grayson is on the go, from the moment he gets up in the morning till he goes to bed at night, with—if his mom is lucky—a nap or two respite in between.

We typically hear of the fatigue of motherhood in conjunction with the newborn. (See The Unending Weariness, Part 1.) Let us not forget that the weariness doesn’t stop as the newborn becomes infant and then a mobile toddler! During this time period, many moms return to work outside the home, and that adds even more reasons to be tired by the end of the day. But the moms who stay at home with these busy little perpetual motion machines  must cope—or at least try—with the fatigue that comes with chasing a toddler, seeing that his needs are met, granting his wishes as appropriate, hoping that naps will really happen, and, quite often, setting aside those “things-I’d-be-doing-if-I wasn’t-a-full-time-mom.”

I think that’s probably the hardest part about being a stay-at-home mom, somehow finding a balance between meeting the needs of the child with the needs of the adult. Adult needs, for the most part, can be put off till later in the day, or even later in life. A child’s needs are immediate. And even as some of those “needs” become “wants,” the child is rarely aware of that shift. Combine that with a general lack of understanding of what “please wait!” means, and it can run a mom ragged.

It is hard. And it’s tiring. And there’s no definitive, predictable date to declare, “when my child is XX months/years old, I can do this!”

Part of a mom’s fatigue is simply a matter of an uncertain endpoint, and a sometimes nagging feeling that once a child enters the picture, there is no “endpoint.” To some extent, that’s true—there’s no turning back the clock. But the clock does move forward, the child does mature, and windows of opportunity open up, starting with just a crack, but eventually wide enough to re-establish that balance between “mom” and “me.”

Meanwhile, there’s another balancing that is happening—and this one helps perpetuate the species! Toddlers are so darn cute! Watching them explore and imagining the wheels turning inside their heads as they figure some new skill or toy out is pure joy. It is a great window into the human brain and spirit to see these young explorers. Even when the alter-ego appears in a full-blown tantrum, these youngsters remind us that we, too, have good days and bad. Toddlers are lucky, in a way, that they can deal with frustrations with a meltdown, safe in the arms of a loving parent. Adult tantrums—while not unheard of—are not considered a socially acceptable way to deal with a problem!

Fortunately, for the most part, there is enough cuteness to balance the tantrum; enough smiles to offset the tears; enough naps—maybe—to at least make the toddler a happier camper. While it may be true that “if Mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy!” there’s a corollary to that: “If Mama’s toddler ain’t happy, Mama’s not likely to be happy either!”

To the moms who would love to have an hour to themselves, this will come. It really will. And to the moms who wonder if they are the only ones who go through these periods of overwhelming weariness, look around. Any mother who denies ever having felt this way is lying through her teeth. And most moms—and grandmas—are happy to commiserate, and come and visit when they can.

Did I mention how cute my grandson is?

© Melissa Clark Vickers 2014

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