On the Occasion of my 58th Birthday
(originally written in 2012)
Today is my 58th birthday. How did that happen? Fifty-eight used to seem so ancient. It’s about the age my grandparents were when I was first old enough to understand “old age” on any level. And there’s an oft-told tale in my family about the day my dad turned 40 and I ran into my parents’ bedroom and jumped on the bed and announced he was officially “over the hill.” I was 7 at the time. My dad is now 90*, making me nearly 2/3 his age. Suddenly not even being 90 seems so old anymore!
Birthdays are times for reflection—where we’ve come, where we are, and where we still have yet to go. As the age count gets higher, there’s more of a sense of urgency about that last piece. Our time to get where we still want to go is getting shorter, and it is more filled with things to get in the way of simply doing what we want. And yet the desire to just do what we want grows with each passing day.
I can’t say I feel much different today than I did 30 years ago. And what feels different has far more to do with extra pounds than extra years. And by far and large, I’m pretty content with my life these days. Professionally, I feel more settled and more like I’ve finally found myself and found what gives me the most self-satisfaction of anything I’ve ever done in my life. All those things I’ve done to this point—teacher, La Leche League Leader, lactation consultant, data collector—have all helped prepare me for who I am today and what I’m doing with my life.
Writing and editing has become my thing. Had anyone told me 40 years ago that this would be so important to me today I would not have believed them. I can’t imagine that any of my English teachers over the years would believe it either. Not that I was a poor English student; it just wasn’t my thing. Today, my professional life revolves mostly around writing—writing about health and wellness for families for Family Voices, a national organization dedicated to helping families with children with special health care needs; writing about breastfeeding for La Leche League; and writing for myself, with one book under my belt (helping La Leche League Co-Founder Marian Tompson write her memoir, Passionate Journey—My Unexpected Life ), and another one set to come out this summer (co-editing a book with Australian lactation consultant Virginia Thorley, tentatively titled, The 10th Step and Beyond: Mother Support for Breastfeeding)*.
It’s not just my professional life that feels like it is in a good place. I’m happily married to the man I fell in love with nearly 34 years ago, and we have two grown children who were pretty terrific when they were little and continue to be so today. They are both happily married and I would have been hard pressed to find better spouses for either of them. Thankfully, nobody considered that my task in life!
If I had a magic wand to change just one thing, it would be to bring back my mom. Her death in December 2010 still leaves a vacuum of sorts. She was such a mentor and confidante all my life and I miss being able to share even this essay with her.
But life goes on. And I’m fortunate that it still moves forward for me. I’ve come to realize that 58 really isn’t all that old, and it isn’t too old to still make plans for what comes next. It is old enough to make me determined to choose the direction I go in and do things that I want to do, not just things that I have to do. There will always be some of those—that’s part of life, too. But without some semblance of “this is where I want to go in the next phase of my life,” then life’s journey becomes little more than an aimless meander. There’s plenty of room in that grand scheme of things to come to allow for all the surprises of life that happen, good and bad, that open up new opportunities. My task as I move forward to age 59 is to try to take those surprises and either find a way to incorporate them in my plans, or figure a way around them.
I’m 58 today, and that’s okay. No, even better—it’s a good thing.
*A lot has happened since I wrote this last year—including reaching my 59th birthday. My dad is gone now—he passed away last June, partying the night before he died. My second book, The 10th Step and Beyond: Mother Support for Breastfeeding, with Virginia Thorley, came out last year. I’m no longer an IBCLC (see post below entitled “Of Doors and Thresholds”). And I’m a grandmother to the most adorable baby in the world!
Life continues to throw surprises my way, most of which are pretty good. Life is still good, and still going—and that continues to be a good thing!
© Melissa Clark Vickers 2013